Give up, Let go, Move on

There's more then one reason why my now 21 years legal search continues.

Anger.

The activity of searching, of doing, of looking keeps that anger suppressed.

If I find my birth father, I honestly believe I can say it is what it is.

If I instead decide to throw in the towel, to let it go, to give up on my search, the anger will surface and there will be fingers pointed, words said, and anger to be dealt with. Anger that is about what could have been not with my upbringing but rather with the last 21 years of my adult life.

Anger about the lies and the lack of consideration.

I'm not ready to deal with that anger.

I would prefer to find my birth father, call it finished and move on.

I'm finding the search part to be more and more difficult even when my days are active.

I know though, that the anger would be intense as it has been shoved down so many times, I have seen a glimpse of it and don't want to face it.

The anger, which of coarse is an easy way to deal with the hurt.

It's been a suck ass ride this week.

I'm ready to finish this out please.