During the first week of talking to my sister she announced that she knew who my birth father was. She said the name with excitement and I honestly didn't know who he was. Should I? She told me to go to the computer and type in his name, and so I did.
Waylon Jennings
The photos and links came up and I read that he was a country singer who paved the way for so many others. He had an interesting history, and interesting life, but there was just no way. I didn't even like country music. Surely if he was my blood it would be in me to like his kind of music.
And he was dead, so there would be no way to find out anyway.
My sister had her reasons for believing this to be true. She'd heard the story more then once of how her father got into some bar brawl with Waylon Jennings. We knew that I was the product of an affair.
It made sense but I let it go almost as soon as she said it. It did remain in the back of my mind though.
You see, I had a master plan when I set out on my search. The scenario changed from time to time depending on my age as well as my anger level.
I'd always known I would find my birth mother. A slammed door in the face, a huge hug with tears, a simple hello here's my photo.........it never occurred to me that I would find her deceased.
It never occurred to me that she could have died when I was just 13 months old.
I would find her and no matter what her response was, I would find out from her if I had siblings and who my birth father was.
Finding her was always the key to finding everyone.
Even once I found her at the grave, I figured I'd get my answers.
I mean surely my sister would know?
How could she though. Her father took that all to the grave with him as well.
He never mentioned to her that I, or any others, existed.
It was with my sisters help that I was able to obtain some of my documents from my adoption file.
I have no idea what is in that file, it still remains locked away from my view.
We did however get some portion of my "placement records" as well as a letter from a doctor to my parents attorney.
Let's talk about those placement records, for those who are searching to see how to try and put things together.
The placement records stated a few things. One was her reason for not keeping me, and it's something that can bring me down each time that I read it. Yup, here it is:
"Dottye is married and has a 4 year old daughter. She was adopted when she was 6 years old and has been quite mistreated before. Her first child was placed when she was only 16 and the 2nd when she was getting divorced from her first husband. Last year, she had a complete mental collapse, left home, went to Las Vegas where she met the father of this child and after psychiatric treatment has been able to recover, but does not want anything to remind her of that episode. She wants the baby to feel loved and be well cared for, which is something she feels she can not do. Before releasing the child she wants to see her and make sure she us all right or she is afraid along with her husband that it might throw her back into a depression.
Previous placements if any : Jan 64 and Jan 66 in Arizona.
Natural Father (if known)
Birthplace: Boston, Mass
Birthdate: 29 years old
Nationality and Race : Italian Amr. Cauc
Religion: Cath-
Marital Status: Single, Div.
Employment : Keno Writer in Las Vegas
6'2" 190 pounds olive coloring.
Dark hair, brown eyes, Good health.
Name of Child: Girl Moore
What did I learn from this?
So much and so little.
It was the lead that I needed to finding our siblings. I knew we might have a couple, Karen thought there was one for sure because her step mother had made mention of it.
I knew where they were born, and I now knew the years.
I'd get on this all right away with the help of some online groups.
I also knew, I was conceived in Las Vegas.
Karen remembered it was her 4th birthday that she spent at her Aunts. She knew Dottye was there, but that Dottye seemed distant while she was there. She had heard that Dottye had left for a while and gone to Las Vegas. But hearing a story, and remembering that at 4 years old her mother was at her Birthday party, but seemed really distant, well that just breaks my heart.
My sisters birthday is on Halloween.
At the very least we knew that Dottye must have been in Las Vegas from September to October. I was a month premature, born at 36 weeks. It was all making a little bit of sense.
It also made me believe that what it said was indeed true, my birth father was not Waylon Jennings but rather a Keno Writer...........and part Italian. That made me laugh, I always knew it!
I understood her reason for not keeping me in the sense that she had an affair and back then, or with some people, well you just can't expect that keeping a child from an affair when trying to mend the marriage you have, with the child you already have. That just made sense, hurt but made sense.
I had to wonder though. She had the mental collapse and left him. She drank and smoked as well as did drugs while she was pregnant with me. What sort of meds did they give her in the mental ward? While she was pregnant??
What was the state of her thoughts while she was pregnant with me?
And finally, how would letting go of yet another baby help her mental state at all?
I wish she had given me a name, I always wondered what it would be.
I was finally learning about my first mother Dottye.
It hurt so much, still does most of the time.
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