night time thoughts of a mother lost

So many times I have wondered if I somehow got blown into this universe.

I was born a month early yes,I wonder if my duel personality as a Gemini has thrown the stars out of the galaxy.

The confusion I cause with my change of mind while I know the emotions in my heart can be felt beyond the stars.

When I cried at night because no one was looking.

When I cussed during the day warning that you better not show up unannounced.

I only wanted to have something that felt like control.

I only wanted to be in charge of my own life, my destiny.

Now I laugh when I find more clues and cry because once again they are all about you.

You're life to me was tragic and magical all a the same time.

The parallel I feel as I look back on my own, as I stare at your photo, as I see the bars on my very same windows.

It's you that I wanted to know.

You that I dreamed about even with anger.

I just wish that you could guide me to finish my search, so that maybe someday I might find about who I am.

I will always be your number one backer.

I will always feel the need to protect you from the harsh words and glares of others.

In so many ways I wish that I could have been the one to protect and defend you, during your short life.

I can only wonder if that is in part because that is what I wanted, what I needed from you.

As the anger turns into tears once again I can only wonder if when you died you sent a part of your soul into mine so that you might never be forgotten.

I will forever love you even as I breath fire.

I will never forget you even while others turn away and refuse to allow the light that was yours to enter their hearts.

A daisy a day while stopping to smell the roses............