I saw her face

My sister had told me that she would have photos of Dottye scanned in and send them to me when she was at work. When I woke I went right to the computer to check email.

She sent me an email telling me that they were on their way, in several emails, and to call her when I see them. She wanted to hear my reaction.

Shannon was asleep and I didn't see any reason to wake him as I opened the first email with photo attachments.

I would never get to speak to Dottye. That was such a new reality that frankly I was not really dealing with. It was hard to envision what speaking to her would have been like, without seeing her face.

I was excited but nervous as I opened the first set of photos. What if I didn't see any resemblance?

I clicked open.

There she was.

Dottye Robertson Moore.

My first mother who went to the grave at the age of 24.

I looked at the first one, no not really looked, I stared at it.

It was a holiday photo, I knew that from the decorations in the house. It was not in good focus but I noticed it right away, as did my brother Scott when he replied to my email showing him. "You stand just like her!"

My God could anyone know what it felt like to see someone with the same posture as myself? 

I continued to scroll through the photos. 

Next is a close up shot of her on a back patio. She is smiling full tooth smile.

Jesus we have the same teeth. Our top teeth, same. Identical! She had my teeth! Or was it that I have hers? 

I opened the next email to more photos. I was amused at how often her look changed. There's one where she has a flower on her and her face is chubby. I couldn't relate to the look she had going, but there were the freckles I so often tried to cover up.Under her eyes, and a few on her nose.

I got my freckles after our first family trip to Grenada. I had a sun burn that left tiny blisters, and when the blisters went away I was left with freckles. I wondered when Dottye first got her.

I opened the last email and tears began to roll down my face.

Did my sister send them in this order on purpose?

Was this some kind of sick joke?

I got out of the chair and woke Shannon.

"Please baby, you need to get up and come look at this. You need to tell me if you think Karen somehow manipulated this photo or found a photo of me and made it look like her mom."

He came into the office and I made him sit in the chair. I scrolled to the photo. I begged him "Baby please, what do you think?"

He was as stunned as I was. I showed him the other photos and then we went back to that final email.

"Baby, is it her or is it a messed up photo of me?" I asked as tears again began to roll down my face.

He smiled and pointed out that I have never not worn bangs. This photo was indeed Dottye, with her bangs pulled back and a smile that didn't show teeth.

He got up and hugged me.

I fell into the office chair, to stare.

For so many years when I looked into the mirror I felt like I looked at a stranger. 

I almost never looked at my own reflection with pleasure in my own appearance.

Yet here I stared at a woman, my birth mother, who looked just like me and there was not an ugly bone in her.

How on earth could that be possible?

How could I possibly look like someone who was so attractive?

I forwarded the photos to several family members.

I called my parents and my dad answered. I said "Dad, I'm emailing some photos to you now of Dottye. I'll stay on the phone while you open them."

It only took a moment before I heard him laugh and speak in amazement, I'm pretty sure I also heard him get choked up over it.

I called my sister and didn't have any real words. I thanked her for sending them and told her it was a lot to take in.

As I got ready for work that morning I looked in the mirror. I can't say that I suddenly found myself to be attractive, but I did finally look in the mirror.

For some time after that my dad would take the one photo in particular and hand it to a friend or place it on the table in front of them and say "Do you know who this is?"

They would always reply "Well it's Wendy." to which he would laugh and correct them.

When ever he would tell me about so and so or that person, he said it with laughter, so I thought this was going to be an easier ride then it ended up being.

On my desk I have a handful of photos.

One of them of coarse, is that face.

You can see most of the photos at the web site Remember Dottye web site but for those who don't want to head over there, I will share the photo that I will never forget.

The photo that is a reminder that I am not as ugly as I thought I was.

A photo that makes me question, what might she have looked like at 25.