It's been a while, I am aware of this. Truth is I forgot where I had moved my blog to. It struck my thoughts today to go over to my website and see if I had posted a link over there. Ahhh, yes here it is ...
It has been a year and a half since my last "blog". Sigh. I'm not ever going to become popular with my words or lack of.
To catch you up.
I finally found my birth mothers birth family. I know the rearm birth mother offends some, it's what I grew up with, it's what I am comfortable with in telling of relation. Her name as you may recall was Dottye.
She as well as her two older sisters were placed in an orphanage in 1954 in East St Louis. My sister was able to send off for Dottye's OBC (original birth certificate) and with that I was able to verify the last name that was her blood name. We already knew her birth name but the OBC gave us a couple of other details that helped in my search.
As I searched and opened my own account on ancestry.com I was able to narrow down some "Owens" people and relatives of. I sent them messages and finally had a hit. That hit as we fast forward brought me to a man who was Dottye's older half brother.
Farris Owens was Dottye's birth father. He had in his life 4 wives. First wife gave him three sons, second wife (my maternal grandmother) gave him three daughters. Third wife rendered zero children and his fourth and final wife gave him six daughters. I got all of this information from one man, my Uncle. We've spoken several times. I sent him photos and he blessed me with photos as well. I finally know what my mother looked like as a young child, as she stands with her father before going to the orphanage.
The story of how she ended up in the orphanage of coarse has two sides as well as many missing parts. Farris, my maternal grandfather as well as Wille "Billie" my maternal grandmother have bother long passed. I received a lot of information on Farris as my Uncle has been very open. He calls me his kin folk because I am his blood family.
The information from Willies side has not been as much. I know from a boy who was her step son that she was very much loved by him.
He told me: She left Farris, they had split up. She couldn't read or write. She was very young. (I believe he married her when she was 15.) She went back to see the girls and they were gone. She asked Farris to tell her where they were and all he would tell her was he didn't know.
She married another man, the man whom she spent the rest of her life with. Together they searched for the girls, her daughters, even hired private investigators to try and find them, to no avail.
She spent the rest of her life wondering where her girls were.
She went to her grave not knowing.
She never had other children.
No one, I mean no one, should have to go to their grave wondering. She should have had the answers.
In my DNA testing of which I have tested at three companies I have found that my paternal side continues to elude me. It's a roller coaster of continued emotion and frustration as I am excited when I get new information such as it is likely that my fathers mother aka my paternal grandmother was 100% Italian, possibly immigrated. If she was not a direct immigrant, her parents were. That is exciting as it was not something I knew a year ago however the twist to that is in my searching I can no longer get excited when I see a match who has Italian sounding sur names.
My fathers father aka my paternal grandfather was likely a mix of 2 of four possible heritages. Italian not being one of them. He too may have been an immigrant.
What am I frustrated about??
I have very very few paternal matches in any of my three tested sites. I am not comprehending or grasping the different ways to work with these matches in creating trees or researching chromosomes to figure out my own tree. I read, I ask questions, I read some more and yet I still am not comprehending it. And this often brings my mood down.
I had decided to stop looking when I was pulled back to my search.
The Probate Court of Franklin County (Columbus Ohio) continues to deny my request for the agency name. Why they won't tell me who facilitated my adoption is beyond me. While we were finally able to get the law in Ohio changed (YES!!! You will be able to get your OBC in Ohio starting March 2015) this is of no personal value to me as I already have my OBC.
I continue to struggle with knowing I have spent so many years on this search with the question of what has it all been for. One the rare occasion that I break down into tears my husband reminds me that it's not in my DNA to give up.
I don't have children nor will I ever. I found my mother at a grave. My relationships with others are often strained as I have the adoptee feeling that I am "fake".
I do not want to end up like my maternal grandmother.
I would like it if when my time comes I could go to my grave knowing the few answers I desire.
Perhaps as time goes on I will learn to just let it go. Lord knows I have tried to let it go time and time again.
It's a difficult week as I look back over twenty- four years of legal age searching and wonder what else I might have done with my time.
The reality is I do a lot with my spare time besides searching, just in the past ten years since finding Dottye at a grave I have been more determined then ever to not find him at a grave as well. Either way, I'd sure like to know.
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