As I dropped to my knees..............

7 years ago today as my head spun and my mouth filled with the desire to vomit so many things never occurred to me.

For one, it had never occurred to me that my search efforts would all be in vain.

How could I have ever imagined that Dottye had died not a year or two before I would find her but 31?

She died before I was even walking without the help of furniture to keep my balance.

She didn't die from old age or perhaps the cause of a bad habit.

No, I was told in the by one of the kindest women I had yet to meet that she had died in a car accident.

The only words that helped to ease that pain were that she had died alone, no one else had died in the accident.

But she died there, at the scene, as she lay on the road.

How could I have imagined such a sad outcome of my search?

As she told me the other news my spirits began to rise and spin.

I had a sister, her name had been mentioned in the obituary.

I had always imagined that I had a sister, the only difference in my make believe was that she would have been younger then me, not older.

As I went about my day with a sort of shocked glaze, with a "Yes, I'm fine" reply each time I was asked, I could never have known how long the rest of my search would take.

In my make believe world I would have found Dottye and she would have filled in all of the blank spaces, all of the missing people. 

I never set out to become a detective.

I never set out to draw so much attention to myself or my search.

How could I now, today, look back and hold any regrets?

I can't. 

I don't.

I have done the very best I can to not hurt anyone else who was with me or in my path.

When I had choices to make I was sure to run them past my sister as well as my husband.

My search has been my own with some major support from my husband and thoughts from my sister and family.

7 years ago today I heard the most horrible words.

"Dottye is dead. I'm so sorry"

Today I can look back at those words and no longer feel my world begin to spin from them.

Rather I can grin because I know she has helped to lead the way to some of the most amazing people I have ever met.

Had she been alive, I might never have met them.

Had she been alive, I might never have known as much about her as I now do.

I can only look at it that way because she is not alive to tell me any different.

Lesson learned. Flip it when I can, make it better when I can, and cry when I need to.

Today is the day that I lost my first mother.

No, it's not the day that she actually died.

It's the day that my world came crashing in around me, the day the my life's dreams died.

And it is also the day that new dreams  began to form.

Click here to see more photos and details of my search.