As we drove in the rain last night I made a confession to my husband.
"Sometimes it's really hard to be good."
He asked me what I meant.
That was possibly one of his newest regrets.
I find there are times where my heart breaks and my mind gets speedy. It sometimes even feels like my heart gets dark, or slows down with sadness.
These are the times where I want to smoke, drink, be wild and let it all out.
I don't have an escape that makes me feel like it's all been vented.
I don't often cry. I'm an extreme person on the inside but on the outside I think I am fairly even.
Black and white.
Good and bad.
Right and wrong.
My soul leads me to do the worst of things and my brain hold me in the role that I am currently playing.
I hope the pay off is a love for self though, and that's the reason why I stick to it I suppose.
Though some days I want to be just like her, wild and loved in all the wrong ways, but I want to be remembered.
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