Tell me that you stepped in dog shit and I want to know where, what type of surface, how big, how solid and what shoes were you wearing if any at all.
Growing up when asking questions pertaining to my adoption I learned to work around the looks. My parents didn't look like they liked all of the questions. I learned to ask few questions but ask them at the right times in the right way.
Today I was focusing in part on researching my DNA matches. When you find fourth cousins it is a pretty big task to figure out how you relate when you yourself do not have any surnames to reference. I had an idea that didn't pan out too well however I will try a new idea in that area tomorrow or the next.
When doing "research" every now and then I feel the need to get into the reasons for my search.
I usually only need one item to bring me that answer, and it is my adoption scrapbook. I do not have each and every piece of paper work in that book, but the ones that cause the most emotion, pre Dottye.
My first designed page includes a photo of myself on the phone, for the first time with my sister Karen. It was July in Texas, hot, and I was out back so I could smoke while we talked. With those photos is the Columbus dispatch news article on Dottye's crash and death.
To look at that page is to see the pure happiness and the deepest of despair all at the same time.
As a side not I am typing this on my iPad with my ear buds in. I turned the music on shuffle. What song just came on for the first full song? Simple Minds Don't You (forget about me.) I shit you not I had no idea that I even had this song.
Anyway as I was saying.
I read the article once again. Then, I went to Facebook.
When Dottye died she had first hit two other cars. One was with a teen and his teen sister. I know the young man had critical injuries but someone later told me that he did survive, but lost an ear. His sister had cuts and bruises.
There was another teen who she hit and he didn't have any injures.
I do believe I found him on Facebook and did send him a message. I have no idea if he will reply and if he does I have no idea what I will say.
The other person that I believe I found was the accident investigator. Again, I have no idea if he will reply or recall the incident.
My desire to reach her, to know her, all the details both good and bad have taken me to some odd and also fun places.
Looking back at my search since finding her there has not been a thing mentioned to me that I have regretted hearing.
I understand that some do not need or want to know details and I am cool with that. We all take things in different ways and for some it is better to just know the main points. I however need to know them all.
As I turn my ear buds off to hear my husband snooping, I know that there are no answers that can take me down. I'm too strong to be broken by anyone but myself. The answers that may come to me this year I am unsure of what they will be.
I have no doubt though that there is a list of us ready to hear them, and should I need to fall for just a moment, I know there will be lots of people to hold me up.
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