I don't mean to be a bitch

I'm just tired. I'm tired of being understanding to others while not feeling understood myself.
I'm tired of searching but don't know any other way.

Several months ago I paid as a gift to myself, to speak to a angel speaker.
Kind of like a medium who says she also speaks to your personal guides.
Anyway.
It was a 30 minute call.
Per usual, many of my husbands dead people came through to speak. And per usual I wrote the information down and passed it along to him.
More often the dead want to tell him things or what feels kind of worse, is when they want to speak to my sister.
The gal said a man was there who felt like a father soul. I asked so is he my father? She asked her guides and they said yes, this was my father.
I had imagined him to be dead so it was not like shocking or anything.
She said he was an addict, lots of addictions.
Again, no shock there.
He's able to give me tips but warned me I won't like what I may find and that my paper trail is dead, done, not going to find any hard facts of paper proof.

As we head into winter I find myself feeling more and more detached. Detached from physical items as well as relationships.
My husband continues to do well in building a relationship with his newly found daughter as well as grandson. She will be having a daughter soon as well and I know he will forever be a part of their lives. I encourage him and help him with the little things like picking out gifts and such.
Again, I feel detached.
One of Shannons dead people made the comment "She saved him" and I had to giggle.
So many people see it the other way. So many people feel that he saved me. I know this for a fact, it's not just a feeling.
And so I head into this winter feeling detached from life. My purpose at this point seems to be to care for our aging dogs, and that's just about it.
Maybe this is just the way people get to feeling at this age. Maybe more "work" will come my way.
Most of the time I'm ok with the feeling. It's kind of nice knowing that no one needs to hold onto me for any sort of survival, you know, outside of my pups.
Be loved.........the person or two who actually reads my blog ;)